An umbrella is like a rainstick - useless when sideways.


A microwave is like Antonio Banderas’s sultry, sultry stare - it heats things up with an invisible magic.


Grizzly bears are like Greenpeace workers - if you keep moving and avoid eye contact, everything should be OK.

Ugg Boots in summer is like calculus - really, really confusing.

Being nice is like wearing pants - socially necessary but not always what you want to be doing at the moment.


Glowsticks are like masochists - break em’ in half and shake em’ up and they brighten right up.


Disney movies are like Trix cereal - meant for kids but secretly enjoyed by everyone.


The Jersey Shore cast is like a Caesar salad - they only claim to be Italian.


Cleavage is often like a Craigslist ad - false advertising when you look at the fine print.